Behaviour & Discipline Archives - MyKidsTime https://www.mykidstime.com/tag/behaviour/ Everything you need for your Kids Mon, 27 Nov 2023 12:09:07 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.4.3 How to Influence Young People to Stay Safe and Well as They Celebrate Exam Results https://www.mykidstime.com/for-parents/how-to-influence-young-people-to-stay-safe-and-well-as-they-celebrate-exam-results/ https://www.mykidstime.com/for-parents/how-to-influence-young-people-to-stay-safe-and-well-as-they-celebrate-exam-results/#respond Mon, 24 Jul 2023 14:26:52 +0000 https://www.mykidstime.com/?p=193673 Calling all Parents of exam students! Firstly congrats to all of you parents who have young people who sat the Junior and Leaving Cert. Both significant milestones in your life and especially in your child’s life.  With results night just around the corner, we have teamed up with Drinkaware to bring you some tips ...

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Calling all Parents of exam students! Firstly congrats to all of you parents who have young people who sat the Junior and Leaving Cert. Both significant milestones in your life and especially in your child’s life. 

With results night just around the corner, we have teamed up with Drinkaware to bring you some tips and advice on how you can influence your young person to stay safe and well as they celebrate exam results.

How to Celebrate Exam Results Night Safely

While celebrations such as receiving exam results are meant to be enjoyed, it is important that young people maintain a balanced approach, have fun and act responsibly while cherishing the occasion. 

You, as a parent, play a crucial role in influencing young people (even when they are young adults) to celebrate safely, especially when there is a possibility of risk or harm.

The Impact of Getting Exam Results

celebrate exam results

Receiving exam results can bring heightened emotions. It is important to listen to and support your child with the many mixed emotions they may feel. These heightened emotions may lead young people to take risks, particularly when they want to celebrate these milestones.

For those who sat the Leaving Cert, it is also a time of huge change. Young people can experience a sense of sadness, as they may be leaving the old and familiar behind. Others will experience uncertainty about the possibility of moving away from home and into the unknown.

For some there will be anxiety and stress, especially if they feel they did not do well. Or they may experience joy and elation at the thoughts of entering the adult world.

Be Informed

It is important that you are informed about the risks associated with alcohol so that you can chat openly and honestly to your young person.

Drinkaware can help with their dedicated parent hub where they offer online supports, information and resources. In addition, they run regular webinars for parents.

Their next webinar – “Parents’ role in influencing young people to celebrate safely.” takes place from 1pm to 2pm on Tuesday August 22nd.  Register for this Drinkaware Webinar today!

This is your opportunity, as a parent, to engage with your young person in a wholesome way and enable them to celebrate achievements and enjoy success without the need for exposing themselves to the risks of alcohol or binge drinking.

Did you know for instance, that young people who start drinking before the age of 15 are four times more likely to develop alcohol-related problems later in life than those who wait until 21 years? (1)

Be Aware

Adolescents fear social rejection so the way they celebrate may reflect this as they may engage in behaviours that will increase their sense of belonging and connection with their peer group.

As a parent, it is important you are aware of how your child is planning to celebrate exam results night. Ask them how they plan to celebrate and get a conversation going, rather than telling them what to do.

This can help them share their concerns or fears with you and open up about difficulties they or their friends have experienced to date when socialising.

Be There

Trust is an important attribute to develop together as your child grows. Not only your trust in them and confidence that you have given them the skills to be resilient and make good decisions, but their trust in you.

When it comes to exam celebrations night, ensure your young person knows that you are there for them should they need you. That you are just a phone call away.

Some parents have told us that they have a ‘safe’ word or phrase agreed in advance with their child. If they call or message using the word or phrase, it is their way of letting  you know they need your help, without losing face in front of friends.

Talking Matters

Order your free ‘Talking Matters’ booklet from Drinkaware for advice and support on having the conversation

Talking Matters alcohol and young people

Get Them Home Safely

Exam results night is not the night for sleepovers. In a recent survey we carried out with parents, unsupervised parties were amongst the top concerns parents have when it comes to their young person and alcohol.

Insist on picking up your young person at an agreed time, so you can be reassured that they get home safely and come to no harm. 

Your Behaviour Matters

talking matters alcohol and young people

Parents lead by example and modelling responsible behaviour is very important as young people emulate parental behaviour. It helps them develop responsible decision making and to understand there are consequences to behaviour – all valuable skills for living and working.

Showing them that alcohol isn’t an essential requirement for you to celebrate an achievement or to mark an occasion or to have fun can have a powerful impact on their future decision making.

Your Attitude Matters

Your attitudes and behaviour during this milestone can impact the young person’s attitudes, actions and behaviour.

Alcohol really should have no place in celebrations for those under 18 years old and should be treated with caution and respect by those over 18.

The brain is still developing up to the age of 24 and alcohol impacts memory and the decisions made while under the influence. Delaying a young person’s drinking age reduces the risk of harmful drinking later in life. (2)

Put Boundaries in Place

Young people need to be aware of potential dangers linked to unsafe behaviours such as harmful alcohol consumption, reckless driving, or other risky activity.

They need to know of potential consequences, both personal and legal that may arise from such behaviours.

Having boundaries in place, that are agreed together in advance, can help keep them safe and well on nights out.

Your Influence Matters

Parents and Family members have the single strongest influence of all external factors on young people’s attitudes towards drinking. (3) This was also identified by young people themselves (4) where they identified parents as being the main source of information on alcohol.

Having a good quality parent/child relationship is connected with delayed alcohol initiation and reduced later alcohol use. (5) Delaying alcohol consumption is important as research shows that 1 in 3 or 38% of young people aged 15 to 24 have an alcohol use disorder (AUD). (6)

By showing young people you are operating out of a place of love and respect you can really have an impact on the future they are creating for themselves.

Celebrating Safely

celebrate exam results

Celebrating safely by staying sober reduces the risk of accidents and injuries to self or others and involves responsible decision-making.

This is the beginning of a new phase with new opportunities and new challenges for your young person.

They still need you – your presence, love and support in their lives. Do not underestimate that need or your influence.

Take care of yourself and mind your own health and wellbeing. You are their greatest resource!

Support For Parents and Young People

What's On

For further support and information please register for Drinkaware Webinar“Parents’ role in influencing young people to celebrate safely.”

It takes place from 1.00pm -2.00pm on Tuesday 22nd August. The webinar aims to:

  • Highlight the important role of parents in supporting young people to celebrate safely
  • Provide you with facts, knowledge and tips to help you have a conversation about celebrations and alcohol with your young person
  • Offer tips and advice on how to stay safe, especially if choosing to drink
  • Establish what other supports would benefit Parents.

Sources:
(1) Grant et al (1997) cited in Mongan et al (2007) Health Related Consequences of Problem Alcohol Use. Overview 6. Dublin. Health Research Board.
(2) Straight Talk – A Guide For Parents on Teenage Drinking, Health Promotion Unit, H.S.E.
(3) Behaviour & Attitudes (2016). Alcohol Education. Is it meeting the Needs of Junior Certificate Students? Dublin: Report Commissioned by Drinkaware.
(4) The Drinkaware Index (2019): Analysing Hazardous Drinking in Ireland. Dublin, Drinkaware
(5) S. M. Ryan, et al, Parents Factors Associated with Reduced Adolescent Alcohol Use, (Australian & New Zealand Journal of Psychiatry, 2010) p 779.
(6) Health Research Board (2022) HRB Overview Series 12 Alcohol and other drug use among children and young people in Ireland: prevalence, risk and protective factors, consequences, responses, and policies Anne Doyle, Salome Sunday, Brian Galvin, Deirdre Mongan

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Celebrate exam results safely

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10 Practical Tips on Setting Boundaries for Your Child https://www.mykidstime.com/for-parents/10-practical-tips-setting-boundaries-for-your-child/ https://www.mykidstime.com/for-parents/10-practical-tips-setting-boundaries-for-your-child/#respond Tue, 13 Jul 2021 05:00:45 +0000 https://www.mykidstime.com/?p=142875 Setting boundaries for children is probably one of the most challenging aspects of parenting. Being consistent, being effective and being realistic are just some of the key aspects, but are often the areas we fall down on. Here are 10 practical tips on setting boundaries for your child that are effective and easy to implement. ...

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Setting boundaries for children is probably one of the most challenging aspects of parenting. Being consistent, being effective and being realistic are just some of the key aspects, but are often the areas we fall down on. Here are 10 practical tips on setting boundaries for your child that are effective and easy to implement.

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In your life-before-kids did you ever watch how other people’s kids behave and think, “When I have kids they’ll never behave like that!”?

Laugh out loud now the clock has forwarded a few years! Being a parent is never as easy as it seemed before we had kids – and setting boundaries for your children is probably one of the toughest tasks.

Knowing how to effectively set boundaries for children matters because it is absolutely crucial to helping them learn: ‘this is how we do life’.

Sadly, many parents set boundaries against their child, which creates power struggles rather than co-operation. The secret lies in having a mindset that you are setting boundaries for your child – not against your child. It’s about developing an attitude that boundaries are limits to ensure every family member’s well-being.

If you sometimes feel like you’re constantly repeating, “Stop that”, “Do this”, ”Don’t do that”, then here’s some guidelines for setting boundaries for children that will make family life easier rather than creating added stress in the family.

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Setting Boundaries 101

#1. Consider your child’s perspective before setting a boundary

Sometimes your child is deeply immersed in their own agenda. Imagine if you were your child. How might you react if you were seeing life through their eyes? When you consider your child’s point of view, you’ll find it easier to avoid setting boundaries that your child pushes against.

Effective boundaries help create a harmonious space between people. They work for everyone’s well-being, including your child’s.

#2. Your “no” means “no”

Little girl for setting boundaries - Mykidstime

Avoid saying “no” unless you absolutely have to.

“No” does not mean “maybe”. And “no” should not tell your child ‘I’ll just whine or tantrum or cajole enough so that “no” might become a “yes” instead’.

Keeping to your “no” is easier if you use it as seldom as possible, and really mean it when you say it.

#3. Be consistent

It’s confusing to a child if we treat their behaviour as cute and funny one day and then we scold them for the same behaviour the next. It’s not easy for a child to learn all the nuances of social interaction. We make it easier for our children when we are consistent.

#4. Reframe negatives into positives

Setting boundaries can easily turn into a power struggle. Often, we threaten when we could offer an invitation. Consider the difference between saying:

“If you don’t hurry up and get dressed we won’t go to the zoo” or

“Let’s get dressed and then we can go to the zoo.”

Use your words to create an invitation rather than a threat.

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#5. Be aware of your body language and tone of voice

Our children are very tuned in to our tone of voice, our facial expressions and our body language. Sometimes we wonder why they are being reactive, when perhaps they are reading a negative reaction in the way we interact.

Remember that it’s not just what we say, it’s also how we say it.

#6. Consider the bigger picture

Mother and child

Children, like all of us, are less cooperative when they’re not feeling okay. Before you jump in with strong-arm boundary setting, HALT – and ask yourself, ‘Is my child Hungry, Angry, Anxious, Lonely, Ill or Tired? Dealing with these issues can often result in the challenging behaviour melting away.

#7. Support your child when a task may seem overwhelming

We sometimes think children learn to do chores by our insistence. But haven’t you ever been in a situation where tidying a room, or sorting a cupboard, seems so daunting you find every reason not to do the job? Or you start to do it and then give up?

Our children learn better how to handle tasks if we support them, for example “Let’s tidy your room together.”

#8. Avoid bribes

There’s a fine line between inviting cooperative behaviour and bribing. An invitation is the ‘natural default’ of cooperative behaviour. Whereas a bribe rewards the child for following our agenda.

Beware offering bribes because your child will quickly learn the art of manipulation and outsmart you on this game.

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#9. Set the example on the boundary

If you say to your child, “We’re leaving in five minutes”, then make sure you leave in five minutes. It’s easy to get caught in conversation and your five minutes becomes half an hour. However, if you don’t set the example of keeping to the boundaries, then your children won’t take your boundary seriously either.

#10. Set boundaries that are age-appropriate

Young children’s brains are still under construction. This means that they don’t see things as we do. They don’t always fully comprehend spoken instructions. They are more impulsive. If there are rules for everything, children will resist. Have as few boundaries as possible, and stick to them.

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Why Do I Need to Set Boundaries?

Setting clear boundaries with your child matters because they affirm your relationship. Every family member knows where they stand and what is expected of them, which means less stress and more co-operation.

Limits are something we set for our child’s wellbeing, and for everyone else’s – and that includes ourselves! We need boundaries around time, space and belongings for us to live comfortably together.

Do you want a clear plan on how to set and hold boundaries for your child? In my book BEHAVE – What To Do When Your Child Won’t, you’ll discover the three signposts to mindful discipline. This means that you’ll have a tried and tested toolbox that will give you what you need to consistently set boundaries for children in a way that creates a sense of win-win, that creates a calmer, more cooperative family.

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What is your experience of setting boundaries with your child? Which of these boundary tips most resonates with you? Leave a comment below and let us know – we’d love to hear from you!

10 Practical Tips on Setting Boundaries for your child - Mykidstime

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40 Good Manners for Kids (and Adults!) https://www.mykidstime.com/for-parents/40-good-manners-for-kids-and-adults/ https://www.mykidstime.com/for-parents/40-good-manners-for-kids-and-adults/#respond Tue, 01 Jun 2021 09:59:39 +0000 https://www.mykidstime.com/?p=82004 Get your child noticed for all the right reasons! Good and pleasant etiquette in a child is such a wonderful trait in modern society and mastering these simple manners for kids will assist you in how to raise a grateful child. Here are 40 good manners for kids, that every child (and adult!) needs to know. ...

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Get your child noticed for all the right reasons! Good and pleasant etiquette in a child is such a wonderful trait in modern society and mastering these simple manners for kids will assist you in how to raise a grateful child.

Here are 40 good manners for kids, that every child (and adult!) needs to know.

Start Teaching These Good Manners for Kids

Manners about more than just saying “please” and “thank you” – although those are essential! Kids should also know how and when to interact with their peers, family and other adults.

We’ve made a list of 40 essential manners for kids to work on at home and in other situations – let us know how you get on!

General Manners in the Home

1. Say “Please” when asking
2. Say “Thank you” when receiving
3. Show respect for others and elders
4. Let others finish before you speak
5. Don’t use bad language
6. Ask permission before touching or taking things
7. Respect your own and other people’s property
8. Return things you have borrowed from others
9. Consider other people’s privacy. People need their own space but also consider their possessions.
10. Clean up after yourself. Help your family out by keeping your room, bathroom, and general areas as tidy as possible
11. Use polite phone protocol.
12. Write “thank you” notes. This is nice when you receive gifts or presents from people.

Practice Manners at Mealtimes

Good Manners for Kids

13. Be polite when someone serves you
14. Put away technology at mealtimes and conversations
15. Listen and don’t interrupt when people are speaking
16. Understand the silverware code! Start with the cutlery on the outside and work your way in.
17. Use a napkin and try not make a mess at mealtimes.
18. Close your mouth when eating and chewing – nobody wants to see the contents of your mouth!
19. Ask to be excused before leaving the table
20. Don’t forget to clear your plate and clean up after yourself.

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Having Guests in Your Home

21. Open the door for others and greet people with a smile
22. Shake hands and make eye contact when greeting someone
23. Offer to serve people who enter your home
24. Offer to take their coat or facilitate them with a seat
25. Stand up when an elder enters a room
26. A hug or a kiss for a close relative or grandparent is often appropriate
27. Don’t forget to introduce people in your home to visiting guests.

Being a Guest

Good Manners for Kids

28. Don’t visit unless you have been invited or agreed that it’s convenient to do so.
29. Don’t assume you can stay as long as you want – establish a time limit.
30. Permission is needed from both parents/guardians if you want to stay over.
31. Offer to help out and assist when you are a guest in someone else’s home.
32. Clean up and tidy after yourself. This is especially true if you are staying in someone’s home for a few days.
33. Don’t forget to say “thank you” at the end of your stay. It would also be nice at this point to reciprocate and invite the person to your home.

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child shoe laces life skills (1)

General Manners Out and About

Good Manners for kids

34. Say “excuse me” when bumping into someone
35. Don’t put your feet up on seats on public transport or indeed in anyone’s home
36. Put away your rubbish in a bin when out and about. Don’t expect someone else to clean up after you.
37. Offer your seat to an elderly or physically impaired person when in a public place or travelling on public transport.
38. Consider your use of mobile phone when in a public place – don’t disturb other people.
39. Consider the noise level of your portable music when out and about – keep the noise level down.
40. Be kind to the elderly and open the door for them

Good Manners for kids
good manners for kids

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Effective Consequences for Teens That Really Work https://www.mykidstime.com/for-parents/effective-consequences-for-teens-that-work/ https://www.mykidstime.com/for-parents/effective-consequences-for-teens-that-work/#respond Wed, 12 May 2021 14:35:58 +0000 https://www.mykidstime.com/?p=122330 The joys of parenting include disciplining your child when they do something wrong. But what do you do when your teen is no longer a small child who you can give a time out to? Take a look at these effective consequences for teens, and why they work so well. An effective consequence is ...

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The joys of parenting include disciplining your child when they do something wrong. But what do you do when your teen is no longer a small child who you can give a time out to? Take a look at these effective consequences for teens, and why they work so well.

An effective consequence is one that should encourage your child to change their behaviour. Perhaps they are not abiding by your house rules, or they aren’t being respectful to people, or they are lying. Then you need to find a consequence that will help change that behaviour.

Really effective consequences, for teens or any age, are ones that are connected to the original behaviour, and are both task- and time-specific.

Setting the Rules

Set Clear Rules

Tweens and teens push boundaries to see how their parents will respond. It’s important to establish clear rules, and to have consequences for breaking those rules. For example, the punishment for breaking the curfew might be that your teen has to stay home the next weekend.

Tip: You’ll get less resistance if you involve your kids in designing their own consequences. Just don’t forget that you still have the final say.

Ignore Mild Misbehaviour

effective consequences for teens

There’s that old saying “pick your battles wisely” and you don’t want to be heavy handed by trying to give a consequence for something that’s actually a minor misbehaviour when you think about it, as irritating as it might be.

It’s obviously important to choose which behaviours you are going to ignore. Unsafe or serious or unsafe behaviours should never be ignored.

Mild misbehaviours are usually irritating or annoying, but don’t generally harm humans (including one’s self), animals, or property.

And minor unwanted behaviours tend to correct over time, especially if you don’t give them attention or overreact to them.

Put It in Writing

In order that there are no misunderstandings, some parents create a formal list of house rules, or write a behaviour contract that both they and their teen sign. The good thing about this is you can put up the list or contract on the fridge or somewhere obvious where everyone can see it.

Your house rules might include times for curfew, and specific responsibilities that you expect your teen to do like put out the bins or walk the dog after homework is out the way.

The contract or house rules should also include consequences, for example, “Anyone who breaks one of these rules loses their wifi access for a day.”

Then if your teen does fall out of line, you have the list or contract to point to.

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Examples of Effective Consequences for Teens

Loss of Privileges

effective consequences for teens

You must take something away from your teen that he or she really enjoys to make this consequence effective. It should cause your teen some discomfort to lose the privilege, but not be out of proportion to the misbehaviour.

As an example, don’t just take away their phone just because they were rude. Instead ask your teen what acceptable behaviour they could show instead of being rude if they are feeling frustrated, and ask how you can help remind them to do that acceptable behaviour. Asking your teen, instead of reacting, can also help deflect anger and frustration.

In order to choose the right privilege to use as an effective consequence, you have to know your teen. What are they interested in? What would really impact them if they lost it for a short period of time? The privilege should be an activity that your child will actually miss. Withhold that privilege until your child completes the task you’ve set for them.

Sit down with your teen and come up with a list of privileges and consequences together. There are a few advantages of this approach.

  1. You are working as a team to solve the problem.
  2. It can help parents identify things or activities your teen loves.
  3. It sets out clearly what the consequences will be for certain infractions, so not only will your teen know what happens if they break a house rule, but also parents don’t have to come up with something in the heat of a difficult moment.

Privileges could include:

  • WIFI access
  • Devices and screen time (tablet, laptop, phone, gaming, etc)
  • Getting to go out with their friends
  • Use of the car

You can also have your teen earn their privilege back. Just like outlining consequences, outline the steps they need to take to restore their privilege.

Instead of saying, “You can have your phone back when I can trust you again,” say, “You can have your phone back after you have your homework completed.”

Restitution

Restitution gives your teen the chance to try and repair damage that was the result of their action. It can be a valuable way to learn a lesson and learn some empathy for others too.

So for example, if your daughter borrows her sister’s clothing and rips a hole in it, she should pay to have it repaired or replace it. Or if your son damages the neighbour’s fence by crashing his bike or his skateboard into it, he should pay to repair the fence and do a few extra chores for the neighbour.

Natural Consequences

Mykidstime laundry hacks

A natural consequence is something that automatically results from a person’s action. Natural consequences show teens the reasons for your rules, and provide a correction without the parent having to do anything, which can prevent teens from developing resentment at a parent for “punishing” them.

If your house rule is that clothes only get washed that are placed in the dirty clothes hamper, then if your teen doesn’t comply and leaves them on the bedroom floor, the clothes don’t get washed. The consequence here is that they will have to either wash the clothes themselves, not get to wear the clothes they wanted, or wear them dirty.

Alternatively, if in your house they get an allowance but spend the entire allowance at once, then the consequence is that they won’t have any money until it’s next allowance day.

If your teen doesn’t do their homework, school may teach him a lesson by giving them extra homework, detention, or a zero mark or getting them to stay after school to complete the missed homework.

Rather than you nagging them, give them the chance to either behave responsibly or face the consequences. Think carefully about whether your teen will learn from his mistakes if you don’t intervene because they’ll realise from the natural consequences that happen.

Download

Are you looking for advice on how to deal with your tween or teen? Download our FREE e-Book which is full of essential tips to help you survive the teen years!

parenting a teen

Logical Consequences

Logical consequences are ones that are a good fit to the “crime”. So for example, if they get caught speeding in the car, they lose access to the car.

Or if they are having difficulty getting up in the morning for school, a logical consequence would mean an earlier lights out time at night.

I love this story I came across: A son’s morning chore was to get the pooper-scooper and clean up the dog poo in the garden. When the boy wasn’t doing this, the parents came up with this creative solution, after he had done poop patrol, he would need to run through the back garden barefoot. From then on, their garden was perfectly clean!

Extra Chores

vacuum

You could create a Job Jar filled with annoying or unpleasant (but necessary!) chores like:

  • Cleaning the toilet
  • Moving and vacuuming under the living room furniture
  • Weeding the garden
  • Doing poop patrol in the backyard
  • Ironing
  • Defrosting the freezer
  • Reorganizing the pots and pans cupboard

If your teen breaks a house rule they have to take a chore from the Job Jar as a consequence.

Grounding

Finally, some advice about grounding. We used to be the generation that was automatically grounded when we had done something wrong, because our parents knew that we met our friends that way. Now, while grounding might work for some teens, it is not always one of the most effective consequences for teens as they network and connect with their friends in a different way than we did.

If you do decide on grounding, here are some tips:

  • Define what grounding means for your house rules and when it will be applied.
  • Don’t ground your teen for too long; a month would be ineffective, for example.
  • Do allow your teen to reduce some of the grounding time by doing extra chores or volunteering or even sitting down and writing a plan for how they can improve their behaviour.

If you do opt for grounding, don’t cut off all social contact for your teen. So if she isn’t allowed to meet her friends, don’t ban her from texting or messaging her friends, remember that FOMO is powerful and as she will be in touch with what is going on, she will hopefully feel that pain and determine not to miss out next time.

Effective Consequences for Teens That Really Work - Mykidstime

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8 Top Tips For Dealing With an Older Child’s Tantrum https://www.mykidstime.com/for-parents/8-top-tips-for-dealing-with-an-older-childs-tantrum/ https://www.mykidstime.com/for-parents/8-top-tips-for-dealing-with-an-older-childs-tantrum/#respond Wed, 07 Apr 2021 15:00:30 +0000 https://www.mykidstime.com/?p=106096 It’s not just toddlers that have tantrums, even older kids can lose their cool. Here are 8 top tips for dealing with an older child’s tantrum to help parents stay calm and handle with the situation effectively. YOU MAY ALSO ENJOY: How Do I Get My Child to Stop Whining? These 8 Expert Tips Will ...

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It’s not just toddlers that have tantrums, even older kids can lose their cool. Here are 8 top tips for dealing with an older child’s tantrum to help parents stay calm and handle with the situation effectively.

Dealing With an Older Child’s Tantrum

Your eight-year-old is throwing a hissy fit. Slamming things down, tears, making angry roars and accusations: ’You hate me.’ ‘Nobody understands.’

It’s hard for a parent when a child has a tantrum. It’s hard not to react when your child’s having a meltdown. Occasional upsets happen, but when there is a regular pattern of challenging behaviour, a parent needs insights to know what to do.

The first thing to know is that an eight-year-old’s temper tantrum is not the same as a toddler tantrum. Just watch the child’s facial expression.

A toddler in a tantrum is distressed. She needs emotional support to regain her equilibrium. The toddler can’t help his tantrum. Sometimes life is challenging and big emotions can overwhelm. Because the young child’s brain is still under construction, sometimes meltdown happens.

An eight-year-old child’s tantrum is different. Look closely and you’ll see an angry face. Margot Sunderland, author of What Every Parent Needs to Know, refers to the tantrums of an older child as ‘little Nero tantrums’ because the child has learned to use this tactic to rule the household, like a mini-dictator. The child’s tantrum gets her what she’s demanding. So she learns to USE angry outbursts to control others.

Sadly, it’s us parents who teach children to continue having tantrums, long after the stage when they would naturally outgrow them.

Tantrum Time?

Here’s a scenario from my book, BEHAVE – What To Do When Your Child Won’t:

We were coming out of the supermarket. The trolley’s laden with a full week’s groceries and our three-year-old starts performing: “I want my new toy.”

I say to him: “No – not now Johnny. Wait till we get home.”

“I want my toy.” Johnny starts winding up the volume and pitch.

“I want my toy.”

Everyone in the carpark is staring at us and Johnny gets louder and louder – wailing and carrying on until he’s in a full blown tantrum. I couldn’t stand it. I stopped right there and delved through the mounds of shopping until I found the toy. He wouldn’t stop crying till I let him have it. What could I have done differently?

It’s easy to give in to your child’s tantrum for the sake of peace. But what are you teaching your child: When you can’t get your own way, shout, wail and perform and if you do it loud enough and long enough you’ll get what you want! So what can a parent do to stop this challenging behaviour?

Choose to Stay Calm

Focus on your breathing. You want your calm to be stronger than her anger. The strongest emotion will be the most contagious!

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Don’t Hook in to the Behaviour

Be like teflon not like velcro. Show with your warm, soft eye contact and with your open body language that you are ‘there’ for your child – but refuse to be drawn in to the tantrum.

Just let the outburst roll off, like teflon! Your child’s tantrum is about her; your response is about you.

When Your Child is Overwrought, Don’t Try to Reason

tantrums

Once the reactive part of your child’s brain (the ‘crocodile brain’) has been triggered, the reasoning part of the brain is temporarily ‘offline’.

So explaining doesn’t work – the conflict is just likely to escalate. Rather, refuse to be drawn into discussion about the issue until your child has calmed down.

Acknowledge Your Child’s Emotion

Keep calm and try to see life through your child’s eyes. Without being drawn into trying to explain or justify, name her emotion. ‘You’re upset.’ ‘You’re angry.’

Avoid Threatening or Punishing Your Child

older child tantrum

Your comments like, ‘You won’t go to the movies’ or ‘You’ll be grounded’ aren’t helpful. She’s already reactive. Threatening comments will just push her further into meltdown. Calmly sidestep the fight.

As Brer Rabbit said, “You don’t have to jump into every briar patch you see”.

Don’t Miss…

No one ever said parenting was easy! With that in mind, here are 15 positive parenting techniques every parent should know:

positive parenting container

Needs not Wants

Give her what she needs (compassionate connection) not what she wants (the toy in the bottom of the shopping trolley).

Keep Conversation Until Later

If your child shouts something like, ‘It’s not fair’ or ‘You don’t love me’, it’s tempting to try to explain yourself – to tell her that what she is saying isn’t true when she makes accusatory comments. But her reasoning brain is ‘offline’ when she’s angry. Now is not the time to try to reason.

Assure her that you can talk about it once everyone has calmed down.

Say What You Mean and Mean What You Say

If you’ve told your child that he can’t have the toy till you’re home, then calmly and firmly stick to what you said. Your child will test you to see if you mean what you say.

When you cave in, even once, or state consequences your child knows you won’t follow through, you set yourself up for more of the same nagging, tears, shouting or other annoying behaviour.

Try Not To Change Your Child’s Behaviour

daughter and mother

Ideally, your child will naturally outgrow the tantrum stage at a younger age. Even if you have developed a habit of giving in to the child’s tantrum for the sake of peace, it’s always possible to develop healthier ways of interacting, no matter what age your child. What matters is not to try to change the child’s behaviour.

Rather, if tantrums have become a habit, change your own behaviour! Focus on how you can handle the situation differently. Focus on handling yourself differently.

When you do differently, you’ll get a different outcome. Choose to remain the adult rather than become part of the problem.

The time when situations become heated and tantrums threaten to overwhelm is when you most want to be calm, compassionate and firm.

Top Tips For Dealing With an Older Child’s Tantrum – Mykidstime

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Is Nail Biting an Issue? Try These 7 Effective Ways to Break the Habit https://www.mykidstime.com/for-parents/nail-biting-effective-ways-to-break-the-habit/ https://www.mykidstime.com/for-parents/nail-biting-effective-ways-to-break-the-habit/#respond Fri, 05 Mar 2021 06:00:33 +0000 https://www.mykidstime.com/?p=165969 Do you know why your child is biting their nails? While nail biting doesn’t sound serious, it can be the cause of friction between parents and children in the quest to break the habit.  We look at the reasons why, as well as some tried and tested strategies on how to stop. Don’t miss the ...

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Do you know why your child is biting their nails? While nail biting doesn’t sound serious, it can be the cause of friction between parents and children in the quest to break the habit.  We look at the reasons why, as well as some tried and tested strategies on how to stop.

Don’t miss the chance to have your say! We’re looking for parents to get involved and give their feedback on all aspects of family life. Find out more here.

There are lots of reasons that your child might bite their nails: boredom, stress relief, curiosity or simply copying a sibling or parent. Professionals term nail biting as one of the very common “nervous habits”. Other children might display other behaviours instead such as sucking their thumb, grinding teeth, picking their nose or twisting or pulling hair – or even a combination of these.

As a parent these habits can be worrying, as well as irritating and embarrassing. But it is important to remember that there are lots of reasons that are invisible to parents that kids might feel anxious.

If nail biting has started out of the blue, you might want to think about whether your child might be undergoing a bit of anxiety or stress. But if your child bites their nails unconsciously, while watching television, for example, or if they tend to bite them in response to specific situations, it’s most likely just their way of coping with minor or passing stresses and you have nothing to worry about.

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How to Break the Nail Biting Habit

Since most children eventually outgrow nail biting, some parents find the best approach is to simply ignore it. But, for other parents, looking the other way can be just too hard to do. So here are a few ways to work with your child to discourage the behaviour:

Talk

Begin a discussion with your child about what nervous habits are and how it’s possible to break them. If you have an idea about what might be making your child anxious – a recent move, a divorce in the family, a new school, a test – make a special effort to help them talk about their worries. This is easier said than done for most kids, of course!

If your child’s friends are teasing them, they may be more than ready to stop with your help. Reassure them, then move on to possible solutions and how much involvement they want from you.

Don’t nag or get angry

Like other nervous habits, nail biting tends to be unconscious. Unless your child really wants to stop biting their nails, you probably can’t do much about it. If your child doesn’t even know he’s doing it, adding fire to the situation is a pretty useless strategy. The most important thing is to keep it from escalating into a power struggle.

If you pressure your child to stop, you’ll just add to his stress and risk intensifying the behaviour. The less fuss you can associate with the habit, the more likely they are to feel comfortable asking you for help.

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Effective Nail Biting Solutions

Nail care

nail biting solutions

Cutting your child’s nails decreases the surface area under the nails – which means less dirt and bacteria if/when they bite their nails. Take good care of the cuticles too, as torn cuticles and broken skin can lead to bacteria being introduced. Worst case, this can cause a nasty infection.

If your child is old enough, teach him how to use an emery board and keep one handy to avoid those sharp edges that make biting more of a temptation.

Why not offer a manicure? This doesn’t have to be at a salon, it can be a home ‘spa’ session. There may be less inclination to bite when there is a fun colour polish on, or it may be a great motivational tool once the nails have grown a bit. Not only can it become an opportunity for bonding time, but the compliments they will get might discourage the bad habit.

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Give your child something else to focus on

Find something else that will keep your child’s fingers active. Silly Putty, fidget toy or blue tac to play with, sensory bottles, or a worry stone which can allow them to focus on the texture and feel of what’s in their hands, rather than focusing on the sound and feel of biting nails.

You can also look at some relaxation and calming techniques to try when they feel the urge to bite their nails – deep breathing, for example, or clenching and releasing their fists. If this doesn’t work you can try to look for something safe and healthy your child may be able to put into his mouth like ‘chewies’, fidget toys that can be chewed.

Make sure they have plenty of opportunity to burn off any tensions and nervous energy with physical activities likes sports for older children or plenty of outside play for younger ones. Some children find arts and crafts activities or learning a musical instrument a good way to keep their hands busy and relax at the same time.

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Pick a subtle signal

Encourage your child to become more aware of when and where they bite. When you see them nibbling, lightly touch them on the arm or use a code word that will alert them without announcing it to everyone else.

Some kids really benefit from physical reminders that call their attention to the habit the moment they do it. This option is helpful as long as your child is the one choosing to try it and deciding the trigger. If not, it will just seem like a punishment.

Create a reward system

For younger children you might want to set up a sticker chart and mark off every day that your child doesn’t bite his nails. If your child can’t make it a whole day, you may need to break the day down into smaller chunks of time, like “before breakfast”, “in the car” or “during dinner.” Once they collect a specific amount of stickers give him a reward that you have agreed together.

Try bite-averting nail polish

For older children, you may want to try a bite-averting nail polish that tastes terrible when they bite. Talk to your child’s GP or a pharmacist to learn about the safest options for your child at their age.

Allow for natural consequences

Keep in mind that natural consequences can be good teachers. So if your child occasionally causes his fingers to become sore from biting his nails too short, the pain may motivate him to stop biting his nails in the future.

Keep trying

Explain at an age appropriate level to your child that different people respond to different techniques, and encourage them to try a variety of solutions if the first one doesn’t work.

Remind them, and also calm yourself, by telling them that habits are hard to break and that the two of you are on the same side. Eventually your patience and persistence will pay off.

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When to Worry About Nail Biting

In rare cases, severe nail biting can be a sign of excessive anxiety that needs to be addressed. Consult your child’s doctor if nail biting makes their fingertips sore or bloody, on a regular basis.

You may also see nail biting in combination with other behaviours, such as scratching their skin or pulling out eyelashes or hair, or if they are not sleeping. Also consult the doctor if your child’s nail biting habit surfaced suddenly and escalated quickly.

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Have your say! Is nail biting an issue in your house? What have you found to be the most effective solution? Leave a comment below and let us know – we’d love to hear from you!

Is Nail Biting an Issue_ Try These 7 Effective Ways to Break the Habit - Mykidstime

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50+ Random Acts of Kindness for Families to Do Together https://www.mykidstime.com/for-parents/random-acts-of-kindness-for-families/ https://www.mykidstime.com/for-parents/random-acts-of-kindness-for-families/#respond Wed, 17 Feb 2021 00:39:45 +0000 https://www.mykidstime.com/?p=166048 Kindness is never out of fashion and is, in fact, often in short supply. We can all benefit from extra love and support, and the best kind is when it is unexpected. You can brighten someone's day with these random acts of kindness. They are thoughtful enough to make a real difference, but simple enough ...

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Kindness is never out of fashion and is, in fact, often in short supply. We can all benefit from extra love and support, and the best kind is when it is unexpected. You can brighten someone’s day with these random acts of kindness. They are thoughtful enough to make a real difference, but simple enough for even the youngest child to do!

Don’t miss the chance to have your say! We’re looking for parents to get involved and give their feedback on all aspects of family life. Find out more here.

Think about how it feels when your child draws you a heartfelt picture, when you get a ‘just because’ card in the post, or when someone says ‘have a nice day’ as they walk past. These random acts of kindness can, at a minimum, make you smile but can also make your heart swell! Wouldn’t it be lovely to spread that feeling to the people around you?

Make it a family event – challenge each other to share your acts of kindness with neighbours, friends and family. Let it spread far and wide, and encourage others to join you!

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Random Acts of Kindness for Families

random acts of kindness

Download our list of random acts of kindness to inspire your own family activities – see how many you can tick off!

  1. Say something nice to someone
  2. Pay a genuine compliment
  3. Hold the door open for someone
  4. Say ‘Hi’ to a passerby
  5. Call someone to tell them you’re thinking about them
  6. Say ‘I love you’
  7. Give a hug
  8. Donate to a food bank
  9. Volunteer
  10. Support a small business
  11. Pick up litter from the neighbourhood
  12. Bake a cake for a friend
  13. Thank school staff with some chocolates or cookies
  14. Smile at everyone you see
  15. Offer to help someone
  16. Donate to charity
  17. Spend time with someone who may be lonely
  18. Send a letter to a friend to say ‘hi’
  19. Give someone a gift, just because
  20. Clean up at home without being asked
  21. Show you are grateful and say ‘Thank You’
  22. Send a text or email to brighten someone’s day
  23. Tell someone why they’re special to you
  24. Donate old clothes
  25. Check in on an elderly neighbour
  26. Do someone else’s chores at home
  27. Make a ‘Get Well Soon’ card for someone who is feeling under the weather
  28. Share with a friend
  29. Leave painted kindness rocks for someone to find
  30. Teach someone something new
  31. Write chalk messages or draw pictures to brighten up your neighbourhood
  32. Make a homemade gift for someone
  33. Walk a neighbour’s dog
  34. Put a surprise note or drawing through someone’s letterbox
  35. Offer to pick up groceries, prescriptions or treats for a neighbour
  36. Do a fundraising walk or run for charity
  37. Let someone else go ahead of you
  38. Give someone a flower
  39. Make dinner for a busy family
  40. Plant a tree
  41. Do a favour for someone without anything in return
  42. Plan a surprise party for a friend or family member
  43. Leave a generous tip
  44. Write an encouraging message for someone
  45. Take the time to listen to someone
  46. Donate toys and books that another child would enjoy
  47. Make sandwiches and snacks for homeless people
  48. Make someone smile with a joke
  49. Wash someone’s car
  50. Buy coffee for a stranger
  51. Feed the birds

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Have your say! Does your family include random acts of kindness in your regular routine? What are your favourite things to do? Leave a comment below and let us know – we’d love to hear from you!

50+ Random Acts of Kindness for Families to Do Together - Mykidstime

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35 Calming Strategies for Kids to Ease Anxiety and Stress https://www.mykidstime.com/for-parents/calming-strategies-for-kids/ https://www.mykidstime.com/for-parents/calming-strategies-for-kids/#respond Tue, 16 Feb 2021 00:12:35 +0000 https://www.mykidstime.com/?p=164853 When emotions are overwhelming, having some calming strategies for kids to manage themselves can be really helpful. Defusing the situation can help to avoid tantrums, tears and acting out, and these tactics will stand to them throughout their lives. Don’t miss the chance to have your say! We’re looking for parents to get involved and ...

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When emotions are overwhelming, having some calming strategies for kids to manage themselves can be really helpful. Defusing the situation can help to avoid tantrums, tears and acting out, and these tactics will stand to them throughout their lives.

Don’t miss the chance to have your say! We’re looking for parents to get involved and give their feedback on all aspects of family life. Find out more here.

Knowing how to take a step back and re-centre, how to take a breath and recognise your emotions is a vital life skill. If we can teach our children how to handle these big emotions – anxiety, worry, frustration, anger – we are preparing them for the trials and hiccups that come all throughout life.

Think about how you deal with your feelings – perhaps you go for a run, do some yoga, take a relaxing bath, exercise, or listen to music? These are all helpful tactics that help you process and deal with your emotions. What if we taught our children these skills? Would it help to alleviate feelings of being ‘out of control’, tantrums, tension and tears?

These calming strategies for kids are all adaptable to your child, suitable for all ages and will give your child some headspace to work through what’s going on. Don’t forget to let us know what you find to be the most effective!

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Helpful Calming Strategies for Kids

Enjoy a sensory or glitter jar

Sensory bottles lead

When emotions become too much, having something to help your child calm down is a great idea. Watching a sensory bottle is relaxing, but the actual act of making sensory bottles or calm down jars is in itself a wonderful activity!

Do Some Painting

Art is the perfect messy fun for kids and makes for ideal sensory play. So don the old clothes, cover the table and crack open the paint pots!

We’ve got lots of ideas if you are looking for easy painting ideas to inspire and prompt your kids!

Play with Play Dough

Squeezing and shaping play dough is very therapeutic! Plus, you can make lots of fun ideas and create something different each time. Try our super easy play dough recipe to make your own for hours for fun!

Make Your Own Slime

Similar to play dough, slime is a real sensory experience. Slime is not only an ooey-gooey delight to play with, but it’s actually a great science experiment to undertake with kids.

If you’re looking to up your slime game and try some scented, coloured and downright weird versions, we’ve got some fun homemade slime recipes to try – including fluffy, rainbow and glow in the dark slime!

Listen to Relaxing Music

One of our favourite calming strategies for kids is to listen to music. This could be lullabies for younger children, or classical music for older kids. If you have Spotify or another music streaming service, try a playlist and see what your child enjoys. You could also look for instrumental music, not necessarily classical, that could be good to chill out to.

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Read a Book

Snuggle up in a comfy chair and escape into a fantastic story. You’ll find all our favourite books and suggestions here, including books for fans of David Walliams and JK Rowling, humorous books, adventure tales and more.

Do your kids enjoy audiobooks and listening to stories? Audiobooks are also a great way for children to enjoy tales that would otherwise be above their reading level, and helps them acquire new vocabulary. Here are some great places to get FREE audiobooks if you want to give one a try.

Build Some LEGO

lego instructions

There is something incredibly mindful about building with LEGO, which is one of the reasons why it is so long-lasting and popular with all ages.

Build a set as instructed, or get creative with your own ideas. Need some suggestions? Try our LEGO challenge, or play LEGO bingo with friends and family.

Ready to try something spectacular? What about a LEGO chocolate cake, unicorn or a retro arcade game – we’ve got dozens of free LEGO instructions to get you building!

Take a Bath

There’s a reason baths are so popular after a long day – and they can be just as calming for children. Make today a bubble bath kind of day, stick on some music or read your child a story while they’re having a soak.

Do Some Colouring

Mindfulness colouring is brilliant, for adults and kids! When things are tough in our house, this is often one of the first things we’ll sit down and do together. There is something really therapeutic about shading, staying within the lines (or not, if you prefer!), choosing your favourite colours, combining patterns and ending up with something utterly unique

We have lots of colouring pages to choose from, or you could try a favourite colouring book.

Cuddle Your Pet

The unconditional love of a pet means they are a great way to centre and calm yourself. If you don’t have a pet (or one that would appreciate a cuddle!), try a soft toy instead.

Take 20 Deep Breaths

One of the most valuable tools and calming strategies for kids is to just breathe. Take a moment to sit with your child and concentrate on some regulated breathing. Count 4 beats in, hold for 4 beats, and out for 4 beats.

With little children, you could have them imagine they are blowing a balloon or blowing out candles.

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Write Your Feelings Down

A great tool for older children is to write down what they’re feeling. If they aren’t sure where to start, give them some prompts:

  • I feel sad because…
  • I feel angry because…
  • I feel worried because…
  • I feel happy because…
  • I feel scared because…
  • I feel excited because…

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Do Some Yoga

Stretching, breathing, calming – yoga is fantastic way to de-stress and distract from big emotions. There are lots of great yoga tutorials and videos online that your child will enjoy.

Get Outdoors

Obstacle course ideas - Mykidstime

Get outside for some big lungfuls of fresh air that will do everyone the world of good! You could try setting up an obstacle course, or play some classic childhood games.

Don’t let the rain stop you from having fun – there are also plenty of fun rainy day activities that will have you out stomping in puddles!

Do a Handstand

Change your perspective! Do a cartwheel, a handstand or even a simple forward roll – you’d be really surprised how it can defuse a situation.

Try a Short Meditation

Living in this digital age, it can be really hard for kids to switch off and get a bit of peace. There are many benefits for all of us, but particularly children who need some calming strategies.

These easy ways to introduce meditation for kids are a great place to start, and always remember to keep it simple and fun!

Get a Back Scratch

Or a neck rub, an arm tickle, or whatever your child finds relaxing.

Name 5 Favourite Things

Feeling down and sad might mean that your child has forgotten the good things. Take a few minutes to name 5 favourite things, or 5 good things that happened today.

Acknowledging the good can help to put everything into perspective.

Wrap Up in a Blanket

Snuggling up under a blanket is always comforting! Read a book, watch a movie or just relax. A weighted blanket is another great option.

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Connect With Nature

nature activities for kids in your garden lead

If kids find the idea of a walk to be boring, try our nature scavenger hunt or geocaching and let them find some treasures along the way.

You don’t even need to leave your own back yard to have plenty of nature fun – here are some great nature activities to do in your own garden.

You could try your hand at growing your own vegetables and getting the kids involved in some fun garden chores.

Go For a Bike Ride

Wrap up and head out for some fresh air on the bike. Don’t forget these cycle safety tips – and make sure your child’s helmet is a good fit before you head out.

Count Backwards

Count backwards from 100 or 50 (or 20 for younger children). Concentrating on this simple task is quite mindful, and can really help to regulate breathing.

Dance to Your Favourite Song

Crank up the volume and put on your child’s favourite song for a disco in the kitchen!

Trace Your Hand

This is a great activity for younger children in particular – put your hand on a piece of paper and concentrate on drawing around each of the fingers. Once you have completed the outline, turn each finger into a face (like finger puppets) or ‘paint’ the nails.

Sit in Silence

Close your eyes and sit in silence – just 1-2 minutes is enough for young children, extending to 3-4 minutes for older children.

While sitting, think of something that makes you happy, something you can smell, something you can hear. Just two minutes of silence can help us to re-centre.

Jump 100 Times on Your Trampoline

trampoline jumping for calming strategies

Calming strategies for kids don’t have to be quiet activities, they just have to help alleviate the pent-up emotions. Get all that energy or frustration out with some energetic jumping on the trampoline. Alternatively, what about some trampoline games that are fun and energy-burners?

Draw How You Feel

Sometimes drawing, rather than writing, can suit children better. Let them draw how they are feeling now, or what happened to make them feel that way. Take some time to discuss those feelings afterwards, and you could also look at drawing possible solutions or outcomes to help your child feel better.

Listen to a Podcast

Podcasts are a fantastic way to learn fun facts, delve into new topics, and enjoy stories and music you may not otherwise be aware of. Now is the time to get downloading with our list of hugely entertaining and educational podcasts for kids (and the rest of the family!)

If your teen is looking for new ideas for things to listen to, check out these interesting podcasts for teens – you might like them too!

Make a Fist, Relax and Repeat

Make a fist as tight as you can, then exhale and relax your fingers. As you open them out, imagine yourself releasing your stress, frustration and worry. Shake your hands out, and repeat several times.

This is a great one for kids to do at any point during the day whenever they are feeling overwhelmed or frustrated.

List 10 Things You Like About Yourself

It’s very easy for all of us to focus on the negatives, particularly when we’re already feeling emotional or overwhelmed, but what if we flipped the tables and tried to concentrate on the positives?

Write down 10 positive things about yourself – big or small – and keep that list somewhere safe for a day when you need a reminder.

Create Something With Your Hands

Paper bracelet paper crafts - Mykidstime

Get crafty and creative with something you have made yourself. This could be using paper plates or toilet rolls, fabric scraps or egg cartons – you can check ALL of our craft ideas here!

Cuddle a Stuffed Animal

Does your child have a favourite stuffed animal? Set aside some quiet time for a big cuddle!

Write in a Journal

Give your child a notebook and let them write about their day, their feelings or just whatever’s on their mind. This is a great activity to do before bed, to get all those lingering thoughts out before settling down to sleep.

Play with Sand

Sand is so versatile – you can sift it, dig in it, pour it, enjoy the feel of it, build with it, and even make art with it! This versatility means that these sand play ideas will appeal to toddlers, preschoolers and even bigger kids who enjoy getting hands-on for some sensory fun.

Talk to a Grown Up

Emotions can be tricky things, and sometimes even the most effective calming strategies may not be the answer. Talking to a trusted grown up about what’s going on can really help.

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35 Calming Strategies for Kids to Ease Anxiety and Stress

 

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12 Simple Suggestions for How to Handle Meltdowns After School https://www.mykidstime.com/for-parents/how-to-handle-meltdowns-after-school/ https://www.mykidstime.com/for-parents/how-to-handle-meltdowns-after-school/#respond Fri, 04 Sep 2020 05:00:26 +0000 https://www.mykidstime.com/?p=161318 No matter what age your child is, school days can leave them with a lot of emotions. If your child veers into tantrum mode when they return home, you won't want to miss these simple suggestions for how to handle meltdowns after school: Don’t miss our best content straight to your inbox! Sign up now and get ...

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No matter what age your child is, school days can leave them with a lot of emotions. If your child veers into tantrum mode when they return home, you won’t want to miss these simple suggestions for how to handle meltdowns after school:

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You know the scenario – your child comes home from school in that really rotten mood and before you know it they are having a strop. It can be tempting to react with sternness but at this point it’s important to take a deep breath and realise that they are simply reacting to something that happened at school.

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How to Handle Meltdowns After School

Feed Them

Often lunch or breaks at school can be rushed for your child. They may nibble something from their lunchbox quickly in their hurry to get playing with their friends. So feeding your child something when they arrive home from school is a good way to lessen any bad mood. Try to avoid anything too sweet however, as this will just lead to sugary highs and lows that won’t help your child’s mood.

I always have a pot of homemade soup ready to serve when they walk in the door (and I am by no means Super Mum – I just make a big batch, freeze it in portion sizes, and then defrost and heat as needed). I usually find by the time the tummy is full, the mood is better.

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Pet Cuddles

Two little girls with a puppy for clean house with a dog

If you have a pet like a dog or cat (or hamster) then having a pet cuddle can help calm the emotions and make your child feel better. Nothing better than burying your nose in some fur to make a bad mood feel better.

Suggest a Game

Often when my children were at their grumpiest, the suggestion of a fun game would distract and by the time we played the game they were back to feeling happy. (Of course helped by me letting them win…!)

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Sensory Jars

sensory friendly activities in Ireland

Make sensory bottles or a calm down jars to have on hand for this exact moment. Alternatively, spending a few minutes watching a lava lamp, blowing bubbles, or other gentle sensory play can be very calming.

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Writing a Letter

Get your child to sit and write a letter about their feelings. Journaling is a well-known technique for getting all those strong emotions out and on paper. If they want to read it to you afterwards, all well and good, or just crumple it up and let the feelings go – whatever works.

Go for a Walk

walk outdoors

If my kids are super grumpy on return I sometimes suggest we head out for a walk on the beach or in the woods before returning to tackle homework. There’s nothing like some fresh air to clear the head, and it may lead to a conversation about what’s going through their head.

If you have a dog, then a quick dog walk round the neighbourhood can be effective.

Quiet Time

Suggest that your child takes some quiet time with a book, if they immerse themselves in someone else’s story it can help them completely forget their “troubles” and avoid that meltdown.

LEGO Project

Mum Caroline’s top tip for how to handle meltdowns is to suggest a small LEGO project when her child is losing it. She says they get immersed in creating their LEGO masterpiece and quickly forget about being grumpy.

Play Time

Encourage your child to go out and play, whether that be in the garden or with their friends. Kids need downtime and play time, and running about can help exercise and exorcise those crappy feelings too.

Don’t Bombard Them

If they are in a really bad mood, then it can be tempting to ask a bunch of questions to find out what happened as soon as they come out of school. Leave it a while, and try some other distraction techniques instead. They may eventually tell you what was bugging them.

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Time to Relax

places to get free audiobooks for kids

Give them time to relax and let them tell you about their day when they are ready. School days can be really busy and over-stimulating too. So getting some relax time can be really helpful in avoiding meltdowns.

Colouring or listening to music or a favourite audio book can help too.

Routine Helps

Plan an after school routine together so they know what to expect each day. Sometimes it’s the changes that cause the meltdowns, so when they have a routine it can be easier for kids.

Homework Stress

Sometimes my kids get stressed by homework and have a meltdown. Tell them to take some deep breaths, as breathing always helps to calm. Then ask them to show you what the problem is and talk through how they can start to tackle it.

If it’s causing too much stress then suggest they leave it til later or else ask their teacher tomorrow. Reassure them that it is ok to do that, sometimes kids can be worried about saying to their teacher that they need help.

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Have your say! What’s your best tip for how to handle meltdowns after school? Leave a comment below and let us know – we’d love to hear from you!

12 Simple Suggestions for How to Handle Meltdowns After School

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12 Practical Tips To Help Your Child Deal With Failure https://www.mykidstime.com/for-parents/help-your-child-deal-with-failure/ https://www.mykidstime.com/for-parents/help-your-child-deal-with-failure/#respond Mon, 02 Mar 2020 10:07:37 +0000 https://www.mykidstime.com/?p=153798 Does your child ever struggle with feelings of 'failure'? From exams to sports, or even family board games, your child may feel they have failed or that they don't measure up. These top tips to help your child deal with failure from P.R. Smith, Irish author and founder of The Great Sportsmanship Programme, show you how ...

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Does your child ever struggle with feelings of ‘failure’? From exams to sports, or even family board games, your child may feel they have failed or that they don’t measure up. These top tips to help your child deal with failure from P.R. Smith, Irish author and founder of The Great Sportsmanship Programme, show you how ‘failing’ can spur greatness.

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In today’s competitive world, the pressure is on from a very young age for everyone to do well in work, sport, school and socially. It can be a weighty burden to carry, but is particularly tough for children.

The secret to surviving and coping with all of the pressures we face is best instilled in a child by their parents, when the child is young. But how can you do this?

Our natural reaction is to protect and shield them as much as possible, to carry the worries and concerns on their behalf, but this can actually do your child a disservice. Learning how to deal with failure is a crucial step in growing up, something that actually gives your child the building blocks to succeed.

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Tips to Help Your Child Deal With Failure

First, it’s important to remember that everybody fails – all of us! We all fail at different things at different times in our lives. The most successful scholars, sports stars, business people, and politicians will all have failed at some stage. By encouraging your child, you can use their perceived failures to help your child to grow and find their way to a happy and contented life.

These tips will help you to help your child, your teenager, or even yourself when dealing with failure.

#1. You Can Learn From Failure

Ask what have you learned? Understand what went wrong and come up with solutions to help move forward. In every failure there is the potential for learning.

Take a minute to watch this video which describes how failure can be “a platform for self-education and you can build from it, you can learn from it and you can go on from it. Then, the experience, instead of being negative, can become positive and you look at it in a transformational way.”

#2. Look At the Positives

Encourage your child to find the positives that are in every situation by chatting about the experience together. Perhaps they didn’t win the match but scored a goal, or they didn’t get an A on the test but did score higher than the last time.

Whatever the situation, they may not have achieved the desired outcome, but there will have been smaller learnings or achievements along the way.

#3. It’s OK to Feel Sad

It’s ok to feel sad, but it’s also important to accept the defeat or loss and move on.

We have all heard the saying ‘don’t be a sore loser’ and it’s true – if you are playing sports, take your defeat, smile and congratulate the opposition. In fact, whether you win or lose, always shake hands afterwards – that is what the true greats in any sporting field do.

#4. Don’t Blame Others

Don’t blame others or make excuses for your failures. Take responsibility, own your mistakes and learn from them.

In a team environment, like sports, any win or loss is for the team. If your teammate misses a goal in the final minute, the loss is not his/her fault and there should be no blame given. Just as you would want to celebrate the win if they had scored, so you should accept the loss as a team.

#5. Everybody Fails At Some Point

“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” – Thomas Edison, American inventor of the light bulb

It might not feel like it to your child at the moment, but everybody fails at something sometime. We share some examples of famous ‘fails’ below that your child might be interested to read.

#6. Failure is Usually Not Fatal

Mistakes were made, but life goes on.

#7. Real Winners Try Their Best

If your child can honestly say that they tried their best, then they are real winners –regardless of whether they win or lose.

Remind your child of this regularly, particularly in advance of high stress times like tests, sports events, etc. All any of us can ever do is our best – no one can ask for more.

#8. Believe in Yourself

Who you are is much greater that this one failure. No matter how big it may seem right now, you can and will go on to bigger and better things.

#9. “It’s Not Whether You Win or Lose…”

Sportsmanship-Poem

This very apt quote from Newbolt says it well – how you conduct yourself is much more important than the result. You can click here to download your copy. Give it to your child to remind them of what is really important.

#10. Ask For Advice

Remember, failure gives you a chance to either try again or try something new. Just because it didn’t work this time doesn’t mean you should give up.

Remind your child they can ask you, their teacher, coach or someone more experienced for advice, and then listen to improve.

#11. Continue to Challenge Yourself

Success is different for everyone, so have your own goals and targets in mind. Often, you need to put yourself out of your comfort zone to reach your full potential. See yourself as a risk taker rather than a failure.

#12. Never Stop Trying

Failure can make you a stronger, better person so long as you learn from it and put the learning into practice.

The most important thing to remember, and to remind your child, is that it is far better to fail trying than to fail to try.

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10 Inspiring People Who Turned Failure Into Success

Abraham Lincoln how to turn failure into success

Many notable people from all walks of life have failed at some point – and then used that failure to motivate them onwards to greatness. Sharing some of these stories may help your child deal with failure and feel inspired to move on.

Walt Disney
 was fired from a newspaper for lacking imagination and having no original ideas. His first company also went bankrupt before he went on to create one of the world’s most recognised brands.

Harry Potter author J.K. Rowling was rejected by 12 major British publishers when she first pitched the idea of what would become the world’s biggest publishing success story. She once tweeted: “I wasn’t going to give up until every single publisher turned me down, but I often feared that would happen.”

Abraham Lincoln failed twice in business and was defeated in six state and national elections before being elected President of the United States.

Michael Jordan, arguably the world’s greatest basketball player, missed 26 winning shots and once said: “I’ve missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.”

Rugby player, Mathew Tait won his first cap at 18 years of age when he was described as “the future of English rugby”. Surprisingly, he was dropped after that first game and his dream was destroyed. His bubble burst but he picked himself up, kept going and went on to win 38 caps.

Albert Einstein, arguably the world’s greatest scientist, couldn’t speak till he was 4 years old. His teachers said he’d “never amount to much”.

The late, great George Best failed when he was 16 – he was the only player in the squad not to be selected in the Northern Ireland schoolboy team. He didn’t give up and went on to be one of the greatest footballers in the world.

Sir Alex Ferguson failed to win anything with Manchester United for his first four years as their manager. He eventually went on to win 13 league titles, 5 FA Cups, 4 League Cups, 1 Club World Cup and 2 Champions League Titles.

One of the world’s most successful authors, Dr Seuss, had his first book And to Think I Saw it on Mulberry Street, rejected 28 times. He went on to create some of the biggest bestsellers and children’s favourites for generations, including The Cat in the Hat, Green Eggs and Ham, The Lorax, Oh the Places You’ll Go, and more.

At age 11, Lionel Messi was cut from his team after being diagnosed with a growth hormone deficiency which made him smaller in stature than most kids his age. He went on to become a football superstar.

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Need More Inspiration? Check Out The Great Sportsmanship Program

the great sportsmanship programme Kayla Montgomery

The Great Sportsmanship Programme is an inspiring programme that helps kids and teens read more, play more & respect more. They offer schools and clubs a 6 week programme that helps inspire, boost literacy, nurture an interest in sport and increase self-esteem & positive thinking. If you think your school or club would be interested then you can find out more and get in touch here.

Have you any further tips to help your child deal with failure and turn it into success? We’d love to hear from you in the comments box below. 

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