Sometimes you just have to laugh about parenthood – if only to keep from crying. Hearing stories from other parents in the trenches, who are buried deep in nappies and snotty noses can be beneficial – it helps assure us, as parents, that we are doing just fine (or not). This inspired Mums, Angela & Nikki of Truzees, to crowd source real parenthood stories and compile these into a book. From their early findings, here’s What Parenting is REALLY like in 15 True Life Stories.

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1. Sleeping when the Baby Sleeps

There are many nuggets of advice, many of them unsolicited, lots of them unwelcome, offered up to a new mum in the early days. Develop your own routine, and don’t mind the naysayers.

“In the early days, crying when your child cries, instead of sleeping when they sleep, is normal” – Angela, Mum to 1, Ireland.

2. Prepare to Change How you Speak

Before kids, you probably thought those parents who were using childish words when chatting to their kids, were craaazzyy!

Now that you are a parent, you can prepare for all manners of unusual words to come from your mouth.

“Soon you WILL refer to cows as “Moo-Moos” and to dogs as “Wow Wows”- Nikki, Mum to 3, Ireland.

3. Hide those Pens

We’ve all been caught leaving a pen out and unattended, where no pen should be left. Fear not, you’re not alone – walls, furniture etc. have been ruined by doodling tots!

“Blue pens and a little boy’s masterpiece on my cream leather chairs. Watch out. It happens!” – Derek Dad of 1, Ireland.

4. The Weird Things Kids Eat

Kids have the weirdest taste buds – it might be difficult to get them to have some of your super tasty and nutritious homemade vegetable soup, but they will happily devour pounds of butter!

It seems, you can’t beat the taste of real butter after all.

“My daughter really loves butter!! She went mental when I took it away after she took a big bite!” – Jennifer, Mum of 2, Ireland.

5. Watch Your Mouth

Parenting fail for many. You try so hard to keep those expletives under wrap, but sometimes that disaster happens and out they pop! And try as you might to get them to listen to something important you are saying, as soon as one of those bad words pop out, boy are the kids listening to you then!

“Be extra mindful of the more ‘colourful’ language you may use. At a recent check-up appointment, my four year old took it upon herself to interrupt her Doctor, mid-sentence to tell him that ” Daddy said a very, very bad word when he spilled coffee in the car this morning”- Alan, Dad to 3, Ireland.

6. The Embarrassing Things Toddlers Say

The saying “out of the mouth of babes” was especially coined to allow us parents to excuse the embarrassing things our kids say. After all kids say it as it is! There is no filter.

“I was at the supermarket with my 2 year old, and on the way to the grocery section, we walked through the clothing section. Passing the underwear, my daughter points up, and says very loudly, “Look Mummy, you can buy new boobies in here!” – Tara, Mum to 1, UK.

7. Never Leave them Alone!

We’ve all been there – run out of the room to answer the phone, whatever, and boom, you return to a scene of chaos. On the plus side, the kids are having the time of their lives, knee-deep in sudocrem or some other extremely messy nappy ointment.

“I left him for two minutes, I swear!” – Bobby, Dad of 3, UK.

8. Open Door Policy in Bathrooms

This takes quite a bit of getting used to once you have kids, but you won’t have a whole lot of choice (or peace) in the matter. To kids everything is extremely urgent when you are in the bathroom. Best to adopt an open door policy from the get go!

“Accept that you no longer have privacy on trips to the bathroom. Peeing/showering and bathing, without at least one small child accompanying you, and starting at you throughout with a running commentary, are a thing of the past” – Anon.

9. Beware of the Tot Who’s Too Quiet

Even before you have kids of your own, you know that if a toddler is too quiet, then they are up to no good. And after you have kids, you still get caught by it. We do like those moments of quiet even if there are consequences.

“I think this Sudocrem is a popular thing among tots!” – Laura, Mum of 2, UK.

10. Are Your Sure They’re Asleep?

Be especially wary of those kids that can get in and out of their own cots or beds. When you think they’re sound asleep in their beds, are you quite sure they really are?

Beware of the attraction of Petroleum Jelly!

“It was everywhere. We thought she was in bed fast asleep!” – Sheena, Mum to 2, Ireland.

11. Double Trouble

Is nothing sacred anymore?! Certainly not with kids anyhow. This is a little like the bathroom and privacy – prepare to see all manners of things, you thought you’d hidden away, on display for all!

“You can’t keep anything to yourself anymore!” – Catherine, Mum to twins, Ireland.

12. Embrace Cartoons!

Think we have all been caught with this little beauty – watching and enjoying those cartoons! I will admit to a preference to going to see kids movies in the cinema rather than adult movies.

“Know that obliviously watching the cartoon channel for fifteen minutes when all children have left the room is normal. Embrace your inner love of animations.” – Nikki, Mum of 3, Ireland.

13. Kids + Paint

If you let the kids do some painting, and choose to leave them alone, be prepared for the consequences. It’s not long before they tire of painting the page, and move on to body parts and nearby objects.

“Kids + Paint + Daddy supervising = Carnage”- Victoria, Mum of 2, UK.

14. Mind your Makeup

You have been warned. All things in your bathroom, and more specifically your makeup bag, are extremely appealing to kids. Think magpies and shiny objects.

“Do not leave your makeup lying around unattended. Should you do so, I guarantee you will find your small child more made up than Liz Taylor” – Nikki, Mum to 3, Ireland.

15. Toilet Training Trials

Toilet training never goes by the book – kids do the oddest of things, in the oddest of places.

“So all little boys like to get naked. Well my son  went though that phase at the same time as being toilet trained! One sunny afternoon, I had the balcony door open airing the apartment. While sorting clothes in the bedroom, a small naked boy wandered into the room. Nothing too unusual there you say?

Well what I discovered later that afternoon, was not only had he gotten naked himself, but when I went to close the balcony door, lo and behold, I found a large brown lump on it! Yes ladies and gentlemen, my child took a dump on balcony, while completely naked!

Needless to say, I avoided all the neighbours for several months. #parentingfail!”- Sarah, Ireland.

About Angela & Nikki

Angela Mahon & Nikki Lawlor of truzees are crowd sourcing parenthood for the first time and publishing the findings in a book.

‘True To Life Parenthood; the only parenting handbook you’ll need’ includes advice from actual parents and blends serious and humorous in equal parts.

It aims to be a lighthearted gift book packed with pages of encouragement as new parents adjust to the trials, tribulations, and unrelenting chaos of life with a tot.

Truzees are making a call for submissions. For a chance to be featured, you can submit your story, picture or tip here.

Over to you! Add your real life stories to the comments below.